Working Relationships

I don't really get it. I don't really get life and why things happen. I try to rely on the Lord and to trust that what He wants to happen will...but my brain interfere's with His process. I'm suppose to "Let Go and Let God work" but I want to know what's going on!

Especially when it comes to me and Kirk. Lately I've been feeling like we are more of a Kimmy and Kirk that a couple. My sister may have been right when she said that our relationship is that of good friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Which I can't say is all bad. I appreciate that.

But what I don't feel is appreciated...

A lot of the times I feel like instead of being a part of Kirks life I am just a pleasant little perk that comes around every couple of months. It really stinks.

He makes it seem like he's an expert in relationships but I don't feel him really committing to me when I'm away. But don't get me wrong, when I'm around and it's us together it's like us against everybody, and he treats me like I'm the only one in the world. Which is why I get so confused and go back and forth on how he really feels.

If I was somebody else looking at our relationship of course I'd say that he's not that into me, and that he only shows up when it's convenient for him. But being in the relationship I can see deeper into what makes him tick and the complexity of our relationship. Clearly we're not the only ones with this issue but every relationship has it's own set of rules and boundaries.

We've both committed ourselves to each other and each of us take what we say very seriously. He thinks about everything he says so his words have integrity. I've never known him to say something that he doesn't mean or promise something that he is not committed to. And when I told him that I loved him and would never leave him I was fully committing myself to him and I didn't take that lightly.

So I can't just run off and break up with him just because people (aka my sister and my roommate) have given me negative feedback about our relationship.

This is when "working" at the relationship happens and these are the rough times that you commit to making it through so that you build together and get stronger.

Doesn't make them any less intense and the thought of going through things like this doesn't thrill me at all. But I'm willing to do it because I am a woman of integrity who honors what she says and backs it up with actions and I know that he's the same way.

And the fun begins...