More than likely won't kill me

God will never give you more than you can handle.

Thats what "they" say.

Well frankly I don't believe it.

As I spend nights in the fetal position balling my eyes out trying to distract myself from the torturous thoughts going on in my mind and replaying terrible conversations, attempting to fight back my random outbursts, unnecessary fights and complete and utter breakdowns, I find it very hard to believe that any of that represents ANY version of "handling" it.

Will I live through this? Yes.

More than likely it won't kill me.

Is it more than I can handle?  Yes. ABSOLUTELY.

I am not that strong.

(I'm also slightly dramatic...)

I've been in depressing situations before.  I worked for the Devil Wears Prada back in my New York days and thought I'd never be the same after that experience.  Yet somehow the human psyche is resilient and I made it back to myself.

This time, with the same feeling of helplessness, I feel like I just need a few days to myself to cry.

Now don't get me wrong I don't think God threw me under the bus or anything.  I just feel like maybe that saying is a little off.

Like maybe...

God will never give you more than HE can handle.

Because I can't handle much of anything.  But WITH God...well we all know my stance on that one.

With God (the internet...and lately lots of coffee) ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!