Caught with my defenses way down

I'm in such a pissy mood.

I could tell you how awful it is to work where I do and how disrespectful and anal my boss is. I could tell you all of this and you're thought, if not response would be...

I would NEVER allow anyone to treat me like that. I would stand up for myself and say this this and this.

Words always seem stronger when they are directed at nobody.

When in reality when it really comes time to stand up for yourself and be strong, you'll find more often than not that while it's going on, you have no idea until it's over and your regurgitating the story to someone else that you realize "Oh my gosh, that was so awful! I can't believe I let her say that to me and didn't even retaliate!"

Then you form your response for the next time it happens so you'll be ready, but instead of being ready, you're totally unprepared for the next attack because she does it oh so suttly, maybe even disguises it as nice and even sincerely.

Evil people are so smooth. It's not always a violent attack on the ego, or a lashing out of words. That's rare and that's what we prepare for.

How many of us actually prepare for the deep wounding remarks that slide right by our defenses and down into our soul, slowly breaking us down for no one else to see. So that when the straw finally brakes the camels back everyone around us is SHOCKED!

NOBODY saw it coming because nobody on the outside saw the problem!

Well now I look like the crazy sensative little girl who can't handle her little assistant "nanny" job, and can't stand up for herself.

How on EARTH did I end up with this job God? Why? I'm learning a lot but my God did you have to choose the toughest way for me to learn?