You see me with a beautiful man, having amazing adventures and living a carefree life.
You don't know that my relationship although special, requires more patience and understanding than I have inside of me and it tears me up inside when I'm put on the back burner in place of his work.
If you really knew me then you'd know that being in a long distance relationship brought me to tears many nights with nobody to talk to and nobody who understood what I was going through, and the best advice anyone could give me was to just break up with him. And that I had to fight a battle with my friends and family who didn't understand why I would spend my time nurturing a relationship that brought so much pain.
If you really knew me then you'd know how hard it is for me to maintain a good girl image, because I've been labeled that for so long that I don't know how to make people see that I'm different now. I've made more mistakes than they have, and I have a hard time living up to my own expectations. And because people continue to believe I can do no evil, I feel like a liar and a hypocrite.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'd rather be home than 3000 miles away from my family working so I have money. I'm not out here because I want to live a rich life, in an amazing house, using someone else's credit card. I'm here because I have no other source of income and I need this money to survive and that I'm here as a last resort rather than first choice. And being away from KP and my family rips my heart to pieces.
If you really knew me you'd know that if I get fat I'll lose everyone close to me because my family shuns me and my boyfriend would be disgusted by me. So I am conditioned to stay "fit" under all circumstances.
If you really knew me you'd know that my family has discouraged me from following my dreams ever since I was a little girl and I've been criticized to tears as an adult for pursuing them. And to this day I'm still not fully supported.
If you really knew me you'd know that I've grown up being compared to my sister and punished for her mistakes and never been given the freedom to prove that I was different.
If you really knew me you'd know that you really don't want my life. I've had to work harder than you can imagine and dealt with more pain with a smile on my face just so I don't bring anybody else down. You'd know that It's hard to be me.
If you really knew me, you'd be glad you were you.
